We are Overwhelmed (and Extremely Fortunate)

By Christopher DiVittorio

I've been thinking a lot about tidepools lately. And planning this expedition. And life, love, and death. It's a lot to think about. 

During fieldwork in the deserts of México I often felt both hot and cold at the same time. I thought this was not possible until I experienced it.

Yet so it is with life. Hot and cold. Happy and sad. Secure and anxious. All at the same time.

A lot to think about in the world right now and in the lives of our crew. Searching for love. Loosing love. Missing family members that are no longer here. Wishing family members would disappear. Wanting children but not getting them. Having children and worrying about them. Watching our bodies malfunction. Not enough work. Too much work. The sin of self pity when there is so much suffering. The guilt of joy when there is so much pain.

In Log from the Sea of Cortez John Steinbeck called it the tragic miracle of consciousness and it is truly both a tragedy and a miracle. All at the same time.

These feelings make us human. But it's a lot to think about.

Studies have shown that the conscious mind can only consider four variables at once before we get overwhelmed and shut down. We are overwhelmed. 

Perhaps that's why nature is for so many a solace, a psychic salve. To be surrounded by rocks and shrubs and starfish that couldn't care less about your existential issues is somehow soothing. It's not that they don't care, they just are. They just exist. Experiencing without analyzing. Perceiving without judging. The undisputed champions of what Ed Ricketts called non-teleological, or "is" thinking.

The problem is we have an expedition to plan, and disappearing into nature will not chart our route, obtain our permits, plan our sampling, identify species, purchase equipment, provision the boat, coordinate with collaborators, or pay for the thing. After a full year of weekly meetings somehow none of these things are still resolved and we set sail in eight weeks ready or not. This is way more than four variables. We are overwhelmed. 

But self pity! That we have the ability to follow our bliss on a sailboat in a remote corner of the globe contemplating the mysteries of crabs and starfish means we are, in the words of Ricketts mentee Joseph Campbell, on the beam. Yes we are emptying our savings to fund the thing, but for the first time in my life I have savings to empty. We are fortunate.

Steinbeck suggested in Log that one look from the tidepool to the stars and back to the tidepool again whenever possible. Zoom out, zoom in. Somewhere between Pacific tides and the heavens we find ourselves, tragic miracles, the undisputed champions of existing.